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Self Love- Take Care of You Too

March 14, 20243 min read

I love that this generation of parents wants to see change, be change, heal traumas, give their kids better, all the things. But while we’re so hyper-focused on giving our kids what we may have never had, are we, in fact, still neglecting ourselves in the process? Many times, I think so, unfortunately.

Maybe you never experienced what being a priority was like, so even though you recognize that and make your children a priority, you still don’t have the tools and/or mindset to actively make your SELF a priority, so that neglect just stays buried and gets projected onto others out of frustration and you’re not sure where it’s coming from.

Maybe you never had a parent around to get to know you, so you spend a ton of quality time with your own children, but you don’t spend quality time being present with and getting to know SELF (what you like, what you don’t like, what makes you tick, what your strengths and weaknesses are), so then you’re left wondering why you do or don’t do the things you do or don’t do.

Maybe you never had a parent affirm you or instill confidence in you, so you speak life over everyone and everything but SELF. It’s easy for you to encourage others but it’s hard to believe YOU can do things too. So you’ve been in the same place with the same struggles for years/decades while others are seemingly passing you by.

Maybe your childhood lacked affection, or you had that one parent who always spoke negatively about your body or appearance so you’ve flipped the script for your own kids with plenty of hugs and snuggles, and/or you hype up all your other girlfriends about how amazing they look, but you’re still struggling to accept SELF image or receive others’ compliments and affection.

Maybe your parents never did things for you that you needed help with, even when you asked, so you’re constantly taking care of everything for everyone else, even when they’re capable of doing things themselves, and none of your OWN business ever seems to get done, and/or you have a hard time asking for help because you think no one will or has time for you.

Maybe your parents never made or gave you little thoughtful things, so you do that for your kids and others to fill a void, but you don’t see your SELF as worthy of those little simple things, so you still never make or buy yourself anything.

Maybe you dealt with more severe trauma, and/or never felt truly protected and secure as a vulnerable child, so you whole-heartedly protect your own, but under the surface you live in a silent steady state of anxiety and chronic stress, always fearing the worst, hover a bit too much like a heavy rain cloud and subsequently project it all onto your children but can’t figure out why they also don’t sleep well or have unhealthy attachment behavior.

If any of these are true upon real self-examination, then nothing’s actually changed for us, those things haven’t actually been addressed or “healed,” we’re just living vicariously through our children or other people under the guise that they have been. And I don’t want to be “that” generation- the one who had no idea how to take care of themselves to show the next generation how. Because like it or not, we’re raising adults, not children. They learn how to treat themselves by observing US.

Whatever love language was missing for you, by all means, speak it to your kids, speak it to others, but speak it to your SELF too.

“Self-love isn’t saying ‘me first,’ it’s saying ‘me too’.”

Keep shining.

Your trainer and coach,

Kandis

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Kandis Joubert

Kandis Joubert is a NASM-certified personal trainer and nutrition coach, specializing in corrective exercise and fitness nutrition.

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